


Ghost of You

by httpnxtt



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Angst, Death, Drug Mentions, Hurt Spencer Reid, Other, Spencer Reid - Freeform, alcohol consumption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpnxtt/pseuds/httpnxtt
Summary: Childhood friends, Reader and Spencer spend their entire lives together. But what goes through their heads when the pair is torn apart?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 9





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies! I was in a bit of an inspo rut but the lovely Greta asked for a fic based on Ghost of You and it put me in sad boi hours. This was a pain in the ass to write and I kept going back and forth with ideas, but it’s done and it’s here!

My Dearest Y/N,

Waking up, for a split second, I feel peace. I just feel your warmth. But, my arm reaches over to your side of the bed and it all comes crashing down. I still can’t sleep on your side. It’s been so long, but your stuff is still just the same. I can’t bring myself to move it. Your favorite mug is still on your nightstand, but your lipstick stain is fading. I wish I could just hold you once more. I know people would probably see what I’m doing and find it pathetic. They would probably find me insane. Writing to someone who will never read it. But it’s my last connection to you. I wish I could just dream a bit longer. The nights where you come visit. If I could dream long enough, please just tell me I’ll be fine.

I’ve drank myself to sleep trying to block out the nightmares that still come. I know you hate when I drink. I’ve just felt so… empty. I can’t watch you leave me every night in that horrible nightmare. The night you slipped from my grasp, and it was all MY fault. I knew you were my angel on earth, but I didn’t mean for you to leave me so soon. You made my world so much brighter. I could see the worst things a human could do on a case, but coming home to your arms. Your kisses. Your cuddles. They could make even the darkest day fill with sunshine and warmth. You saved me. But I couldn’t save you. 

I’ve known you for 20 years, but it doesn’t ever seem to be enough. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was the little shy boy with big glasses playing chess all alone. But you, a beautiful angel, came over and sat with me so I wouldn’t be alone. With your white sunflower dress and your big beautiful doe eyes. I didn’t know much then, but I know I loved you from that moment on. Somehow, you put up with me. You stuck by me as your best friend for 20 years. I’m lucky to have felt your love for the last 5. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it to the bureau. I wouldn’t have survived working late nights for 3 PhDs. You were always the light of my life. But you burnt out too soon. You shared so much light with others, you didn’t save any for yourself. 

I tried cleaning up today. I let the apartment go since you were here. I came across some of your things. I found your old Zeppelin shirt. The one you wore when you ran from home to come with me. We were so young. It was so dumb. You had a whole life ahead of you back in Vegas. But you followed me, all through school. All the way to Quantico, just for me. We were so young. Too dumb to know things like love. But, I know better now. I keep thinking of what we’d be doing if you were still here. We’d probably be here, in our house. We’d be engaged now. Assuming you would have said yes. I’ve had a ring sat in my mess of a sock drawer for ages. I was planning on proposing that night. I had it all planned out. Rossi helped me plan the whole thing. I was going to take you out in his yard during the party, under the string of warm lights you loved. Your favorite flowers all around. Garcia had dibs on filming the whole thing just because she knew you’d love it. We could have spent our whole lives together. I keep thinking. If you hadn’t followed me. Hadn’t loved me, maybe you’d still be here. 

Is life really worth living without you in it? I feel..lost. Sometimes, it feels like it’s not. It feels cold. Dark. Our one crack was my addiction. The one time I thought I lost you. But you helped me. But I almost fell back down that rabbit hole without you. But, that night I dreamt of you. You held my hand and told me it’d be okay. I didn’t relapse. I almost have. A few times now actually. I just can’t live in a world without you in it, Y/N. Why do the best people leave first? It’s hard to believe you just aren’t coming back. I don’t know that I would call ours love at first sight. However, our love was greater than any story I’ve ever read. That night, the one thing I work to protect you against is what took you away. Scratch, of all things in this world, took away the one thing that gave me hope. The one thing I swore to protect you from. I failed you, Y/N. I love you. Always and Forever. 

But for now, I’m just dancing through our house, left with the Ghost of You. 

Forever yours, 

S.R.


End file.
